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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24114082">Cacophony</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/iirusu/pseuds/iirusu'>iirusu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, It sort of ends on a weird spot so I might edit this later, Mentioned Iwaizumi Hajime, Mentioned Kageyama Tobio, Mentioned Ushijima Wakatoshi, Oikawa Tooru's Knee Injury, Oikawa Tooru-centric, Sad Oikawa Tooru, Set After Seijou Loses To Karasuno, Sort of a vent</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:28:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,047</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24114082</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/iirusu/pseuds/iirusu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa had been still against the wall of the gym for hours as the sky changed colors and dewdrops fell around him, remaining quiet as he thought. It was almost as if, if he stayed there long enough, the world would stop altogether, and he could have more time to decide something he already knew he’d decided since he first approached the building.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Cacophony</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I didn't edit this very much, so if there are mistakes I apologize! And kudos to you if you're able to sit through this terrible edgy writing</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the sun melted into every corner of the flushed sky above him, Oikawa Tooru leaned against the marginally rusted door of Aoba Johsai’s school gym, his gaze anywhere but the artistry of the heavens above. The grace of colors, intermingling pulled from every corner of the sky, polished with clouds made from the delicate strokes of intention and peace, couldn’t be a more <em>nauseating</em> picture for him to gaze upon. That abstraction, when he’d looked at it too long before, could only remind him of the cacophony that clamored within him, the crashing of dissonance daunting him to a silence he found inescapable.</p><p>Against that wall, with drops of dew trickling from the rusted hangover placidly, a dead air hung so heavily it might have shifted him further down the structure. But, with the howling of his head provoking his unsteadiness, he couldn’t be sure of whether it was the atmosphere or his own thoughts dragging him down with the dew drops. His knee, draped with the white supporter he had come to detest from the sickly white color and reminder of his limits, ached from the inside out. With every echoing pound of his heart, it seemed the pain grew <em>sharper,</em> more <em>refined,</em> and played further into the escalation of his thoughts’ amplitude.</p><p>He wanted to go inside the gym.</p><p>The keys rested clutched in his cold hands, shaking with him and the quivering breaths he took. It felt as though this moment closely resembled the calm before a storm, if not for what was happening in his head, and he suddenly feels like, slumped against the rusted wall, he has to make a decision.</p><p>He knows every outcome already, knows what will happen if he stays leaned on the outside, his jacket growing more dusted with a faded red, knows what will happen if he goes inside, and knows what will happen if he just goes home. For a moment, the quiet thought passes that he hasn’t been home since morning, and his heart sinks further the longer he dwells on it. It had been hours since school had ended, and with it being a Monday without practice, he knew that his parents would be expecting him when they got off work. And he had been still against the wall of the gym for hours as the sky changed colors and dewdrops fell around him, remaining quiet as he thought. With each notion that passed, his head grew louder, and unbeknownst to Oikawa, the world around him fell silent.</p><p>He had never been in such a quiet place before.</p><p>He had never been in such a quiet place that he could still hear everything in. Every small creak of the wall behind him was a reminder that he was there, at the school gym, remaining in the same place he had been since the sun was still high, still not having made any move to contact anyone and let them know where he was. It was almost as if, if he stayed there long enough, the world would stop altogether, and he could have more time to decide something he already knew he’d decided since he first approached the building.</p><p>He would go inside.</p><p>He always would, and he knew it. He was shaking so much that the keys clinked against one another in a jangle too loud for him, and it seemed as though even they were shivering from the chill blanketing Miyagi. When the click of the gym doors unlocking sounded, Oikawa inhaled shakily. It was routine to sneak back to the gym and practice his serves when he thinks he’ll be in solitary, only to be called back by his parents or Iwaizumi, but somehow this time felt different.</p><p>Every time, he was working toward something. He had a goal in mind. But strangely, that burning feeling in his chest that had fueled his overexertion all those times had seemingly fizzled out. Frigid, standing just before the threshold, he held back the oncoming of tears that he expected, yet was still surprised by. Had this time felt different because there was nothing to fight for this time? His knee ached as he thought about it. He didn’t want to think about it. He just pushed past the doors to his accepted demise, blinking away tears in an attempt to hold onto his worthless pride.</p><p>It only took one jump serve for him to fall and succumb to the pain pulsating from his knee and his head.</p><p>The lights above <em>burned</em> into his sight, like an exploding star, so bright and brilliant, and god, just thinking about something beautiful like that was making him sick again. Its harshness against his eyes only fueled his headache, and paired with the nauseating pulsing of his injury, Oikawa was left shivering and gasping on the beautifully polished wooden floor that couldn’t be more of a contrast to his unsightly breakdown.</p><p>It was <em>so</em> loud and so <em>quiet</em> at the same time. With the door he had opened being left cracked behind him, the cold air outside had seeped into every corner of the gym and shaken the frame of the building itself. And it was all for nothing.</p><p>It finally dawned on him that, curled up on the floor with pain racking every part of him, the cold only sinking deeper into his body, that despite it all, he had still lost everything.</p><p>He worked himself into a brace, stumbled through studying opponent’s games for hours into the night, worried his best friend day after day, and it was all for nothing. He lost to Ushijima. <em>He lost to Tobio.</em> And soon, he’d lose something far worse- Iwaizumi. He already knew that they would be going their separate ways, attending different colleges, and there would be an empty space next to him so often that he would forget what it felt like to have it filled.</p><p>He already knew, but to say that he had accepted the fact would be a disgusting overstatement; he hadn’t accepted anything. He stood up, swaying on shaky legs, and picked up another volleyball from the cart.</p><p>Despite his head's cacophony, his throbbing leg, and his tear-streaked face, he kept practicing. He couldn't accept that it was over, not yet.</p>
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